Cinderella Gets a New Washing Machine

What better present for a woman than a washing machine! Never mind that I need $200 worth of textbooks by Monday, no, I need a new washing machine.

Since my family moved into this house (my junior year of high school, so 9 years ago), they've been using an abusing a washing machine that should have been thrown away years before we moved in. It's been literally held together by athletic tape for years. You can only put 1/3 load in it or it won't spin. It's settings are all broken, so you only get to wash them one way. It's rusty, smells like rotten eggs, and has dog hair trapped in odd places. The only thing that's not disgusting is the actual barrel where the clothes go in.

So several months ago my brother gave my folks a newer washing machine he found in a tenant's garage after they moved (after so much time, property left is forfieted to the super and tada! He's the super). So this machine, which just needed a new hose, has been sitting in the garage for months.

A month ago, my mother and father bought a brand new car. A 2011 Kia Sorento. With the storms that have been raping the midwest this summer, my father was forced to clean out the garage so the brand new car doesn't get hail/debris damage. So the new washing machine got fixed and cleaned. Today we installed it. It's fancy! It has settings and it fills very fast and it washes a FULL LOAD OF CLOTHES and it's heavenly. With school starting on Monday, I'm going to be able to spend less time doing laundry and more time studying! Hooray!

Jungle Juice + Cell Phone = Very Bad Things

Last night was Frankie and Jakes Bachelor/ette party. It started as a BBQ co-hosted by the Best Man/Reverend doing the ceremony Scott (whom I've known since college) and Frankie's oldest friend Kat (they met when they were like, 5).

I helped set up. I had my Tarot cards to play fortune teller (everyone liked the idea) and the Ouija Board cuz Frankie wanted to do it. I had tons of fun stuff, including a plan for 'Never Have I Ever' drinking game.

Kat made Jungle Juice. Huge bottles of liquor, fruit, and sprite in a bowl. Before the party even started I had a tall beer and 2 glasses of the juice. Yummers! Then as the food went out and the guests started to arrive, I had a beer. Then another cup of juice. Then another beer. Then I went out to the fire and we started a game of 'Never Have I Ever.' Basically people put suggestions in the jar and Kat read them aloud. If you 'ever' the statement, you take a drink. Its basically a game to see who is the sluttiest.

I went through a beer, another glass of juice and a twisted iced tea.

This is where things get fuzzy, but I do believe that is when we kidnapped Frankie and drove her to downtown Rice (I didn't drive) to get her shots at the bar. We did blowjob shots (I used my hands, I was really drunk) and Scooby Snack shots. Then we walked (or tripped ) down the block to another bar where we did Pineapple cake shots.

Once we returned I had another beer. Then Frankie, Kat and I went downstairs to Frankie and Jake's bar where I was made a double Chuck Norris (basically 2 shots of cherry vodka and 2 shots of Red Bull). I remember going out to the fire with my glow in the dark necklace and laughing. I made fun of Travis for thinking Ghost Adventures was 'real'. I think that's when I started texting people, cuz they started talking about people I didn't know and I got bored. My phone says I texted Randall, Jason, Stace, Harper and this John guy I've been considering dating. I read the texts this morning. O. M. G.

I don't remember details, but apparently I sat on the stairs and told everyone I was broken and I couldn't leave the stairs or 'bad things would happen.' I grabbed Stewie, the pug, and scared him. I told Jake I was moving in? I think I may have yelled at Determan for getting hit in the balls...again this is all really fuzzy.

This all took place from 6:45 to 1am. Then it was time for bed. I got the waterbed in the basement. Once I stumbled out of my clothes and into pajamas, I sloshed onto the bed and I think I was texting...I don't remember really. I dreamt that I was being raped by a wolf. Then I dreamt I was running from zombies. Then I woke up at 6am and had to hurry up and grab my stuff, drive to my house, shower, drive to the place I'm house sitting and take care of the dogs and promptly go back to bed. I spent most of my day apologizing to people. I think I have a problem...

All in all...I had a great night. I had a bad day.

Win and Fail

Yesterday evening I was just sitting in the basement of the place I'm house sitting, when I hear someone come in the house. I'm freaking out...who the fuck would be coming over? I grab a broom, it's the only thing I could find, and I gently move across the room in the basement towards the corner where I could hide in the dark. I hear the serial killer coming down the stairs...

I'm just about to swing when I recognize my Uncle's friend Jeremy. Then I remembered that he was going to be stopping by the house sometime during my stay here to get a few things. After apologizing for nearly killing him, I quickly shot off a text to the person responsible for such a fright (you know who you are). Between the lightening and me being paranoid, I barely slept.

Last night there was a major storm. I guess we didn't get tornados, just bad winds, but when I drove into town to pick up the groceries there were roads closed with huge, and I mean HUGE, trees down in them. My folk's yard went most unscathed, but the neighbors had a huge tree go down.

I cooked all day. It was great. Sugar cookies, Rice Crispy treats, chocolate truffles and loaded mashed potatoes that just have to bake tomorrow. But the one thing I was most excited about...the chocolate covered bacon...was a fail.

I burnt the chocolate dip. The bacon wasn't crispy enough, then the grease mixed with the chocolate and didn't set. It was an epic fail. I'm kinda bummed, because when I made the text strips for myself they worked out great. Fucking shit. All that time and effort wasted. Crap crap crap crap.

Anyway, I need another nap before CROPSEY tonight! I have to go into town in a little bit and meet with someone so I'll miss the first airing, but at midnight I will soooo be showered, curled up in my bed (cuz I have to drive back into town to watch it) in the dark watching Cropsey. It'll make me happy. Hopefully nothing else goes wrong today.

Housesitting

House sitting is really a decent gig.

I don't really get paid, because my Uncle lets me use one of the cars and I don't have to reimburse him for gas, and the money they leave is usually to buy food since they never have any in the house (wtf?) but I like it. I get to have a nice calm time where it's just me and the critters. Jack and Cosmo are two large ridiculous looking labradoodles, but they behave well enough. And the barn kittens come up to the house and beg for milk, and they are just plain cute.

There is a huge 56inch flatscreen above the fireplace in the basement. Wifi, a fully stocked liquor cabinet that I have permission to raid (but I'm not...long story) and a comfy couch and bed. The only downside? I can't really sleep. It's too quiet in the country, and no streetlights. Grumble. That, and for some inexplicable reason I'm afraid of starring in my own version of the film 'The Strangers.' I read too much about murder/serial killers that I've become paranoid. Grumble again.

Oh, there isn't cable. Who the FUCK doesn't have cable/sat TV in today's day and age? My uncle and step-aunt, that's who. Why have a nice TV if you aren't going to pay for quality programming? So tomorrow night I'm going home to watch Cropsey, because I can't fucking wait. I was also told I don't have to sleep here, as long I come back in the morning to feed/let the dogs out. I don't like driving in the country at night, I don't want to hit a deer.

Anyway, I'm hunkering down for the storm. If you don't hear from me again, it's been nice knowing you!

Baking disaster? Or Ice Cream delight?

I'm an amazing cook. I mean, I don't have the training for fine dining and stuff like that, but presented a cupboard full of seemingly mismatched ingredients, I can pull together something pretty damned awesome. It comes from my mother's father's side, the Fischers. In that family, recipes are considered taboo, you memorize anything that needs to be exact. The rest you eyeball and make up as you go.

Spring greens salad, spanish olives, shredded parmesean cheese with a lemon vinagrette and home made cinnamon crutons (yep, cinnamon). French bread baked with olive oil and fresh roasted garlic sprinkled over it while baking. Lime pepper chicken with steamed broccolini and depending on the mood either red potatoes with a butter sauce or carrot puree with spices. Dessert could be a rhubarb and cherry tart with ice cream. Yeah, that's actually a fairly easy dinner for me to pull together. I also love burgers/steaks on the fire, corn on the cob and other fixings. I do some awesome asian foods too. I rock.

But I can't bake to save my freakin' life. I shouldn't say that, I can bake. I've made some amazingly-tasty treats. Last year for Chrismas, I was in charge of making all the cookies for multiple parties. And several different varieties. I had just discovered SFR (thanks to Patrick HT Doyle) listened to hours and hours while cooking nearly 500 different cookies, bars, and dipping several pounds of pretzels in chocolate. Again, I rock.

But today my cookies were a disaster. The zuccini muffins weren't even that great, but I made a recipe that I personally don't like, since they were for someone else. Everything tasted amazing, that isn't the problem. But I just couldn't make the cookies not spread out. It was as if they had too much butter in them. They spread and melted on the pan instead of baking. When they were finally were done, they looked terrible. I had also made Ranger Cookies, a type I hadn't done before. I didn't use the coconut because I think it tastes like sunscreen, I subsituted wheat germ. Ah well. What doesn't look pretty makes a very yummy ice cream topping.

Bella!

I'm stealing a format from Jason. No apologies. That's how I roll. I'm having a pretty rough time these days. I got yet another job rejection today, and I'll admit, I've been mopy ever since. But today I'm sitting on the couch in the parlor, feeling sorry for myself, when my dear Bella comes and puts her head on my knee.

This is Bella. She's a 2ish year old Golden/Black Lab. On September 4th of 2009, my parents adopted her (I went along). Since the moment we brought her home, she picked me as her favorite human. She follows me everywhere in the house. She refuses to sleep in anyone's bed but mine. She is glued to my side. When I'm gone overnight, she apparently paces the house and stares out the window all night until I return.

Bella is extremely hyper, which sucks for me because I'm fat and lazy. She's not quite leash trained, she pulls so hard I almost never walk her. But I do like to take her to the dog park to run and play with other dogs. Her name when she was dumped (yea, her owners tied her to a post outside the shelter in the middle of the night) was Bella. It was on her tag. So we decided to keep it. I did not name her after Twilight, I assure you! She has many nicknames. Bellzabub, Izzie Bella Smella, Itsy Bitsy Bella, and my personal favorite: Little Fucker.

So now I'm done stealing Jason's format and gushing over my dog. She rocks. She's much better than a cat. And she totally cheered me up today.

I'm blissfully buzzed. Feeling brutally honest. Sending text messages. Going to wake up and want to back peddle. Won't.

Odelia Kolles

In the 4th grade, I wrote a ghost story that was published in a collection of stories by children across the state. I have retyped it here for your reading pleasure:

Odelia Kolles
By Rachel Wolf
Grade 4
Kennedy Elementary School
St. Cloud Community Schoools, District 742
Drama



I'm Katherine Wayner. I live in Avon, Minnesota. The story I'm about tot ell you is so creepy! It began like this.

I was sitting in the back yard playing marbles when I heard clanking from the graveyard beside my house. It was the most peculiar thing, I thought. When I continued to play marbles, the clanking continues. I missed, my attention was drawn to the clanking. Then, I decided to go to the graveyard to make sure everything was O.K.

As I was walking in to the graveyard I noticed the flowers by my feet. Such pretty flowers, I thought. Purple, blue, yellow, red and pink. I heard more clanking. I jumped! Then I noticed a nice-looking young woman in a pink dress. It was a long old fashioned dress with black boots. She had brown hair in a bun.

She looked in my eyes, her eyes looked like a kitten's, both soothing and devilish. "I want you to thelp me plant flowers!" she said. I realized I was in the center of the graveyard. "I will." I said, in a meek voice. We talked and I found that the clanking noise was the shovel clanking against rocks in the ground.

Odelia Kolles was her name. The next day I went back. I noticed the gravestone where we were planting flowers. It said:

Hier Ruhnt
In Memory of
Odelia Kolles
Died
1820 Sept. 18th
Born
1800 Dec. 3rd